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Forget the socks, after-shave and loo books - this is the sort of stuff shooting and fishing fiends would love to receive on December 25.

I’ve never visited one nor have any of my male friends. Partly it’s because we’re vaguely terrified by the entire concept but mostly because attendance would be trespassing on a female preserve as sacred as the temple of Vesta.

So I have no first-hand knowledge of the ‘Christmas fair experience’ but apparently you’re given a glass of wine on arrival before assaulting stalls laden with festive gifts with an ardour last witnessed when the Visigoths sacked Rome.  

The spoils, beautifully wrapped, are as unchanging as O Little Town of Bethlehem: scented candles, soaps and pashmina scarves for the girls; socks, scarves, wallets and slippers for the boys. All lovely and lovingly given but, frankly, rather impractical, which is why, once the appreciative noises have been made on Christmas Day, such presents usually end up in the re-gifting cupboard.

Without wishing to sound too humbuggy, it seems nonsensical but is actually understandable. Giving and receiving is as much a part of Yuletide as Midnight Mass. But finding something suitable isn’t easy. And as my children remind me, it’s especially tricky buying for Dad. “You know exactly what you’re after,” they say. “And when you want it, you buy it.”

To which I could answer, well, I’ve not bought a Sea Cheetah bass boat with twin 60hp engines. But I get their point.

However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t stuff I’d like for Christmas. It just has to be the right stuff.

Shooting kit

Like most country people, I wear gumboots pretty much daily, excepting the three days in June when it doesn’t rain. The most comfortable and hard-wearing ones I’ve ever owned are the Gumleaf Invictas with a side-vent - no blooming zip to go wrong. They’re made of natural rubber, are a pleasant olive colour and cost less than £100. Worryingly, I couldn’t find them on the Gumleaf website but they’re still out there if you hunt for them.

Most shooting socks are far too short. You need them to have at least four inches of material above the knee so can fold them on the outside of your plus-fours. They tend also to be made from soft wool - or, even worse, cashmere. I keep all mine in an old leather suitcase that has been invaded by the moth. Most of them now resemble fish-net stockings, which isn’t a great look on me. The survivors are the best of the lot, made by Almost Unwearoutable Socks, a Northumberland-based family firm that’s been trading for almost 80 years. Their team of knitters can hand-knit anything to order and their standard, patterned-top shooting stockings are £65.

That flash of colour won’t matter in the shooting field but generally sludge is the best shade for everything else. Birds can see in the ultraviolet spectrum, so anything white is especially to be avoided - it ‘glows’ - which is why I’m secretly pleased when neighbouring Guns wear white-collared shirts in grouse butts…

Rydales do a good, basic, green cotton shirt - £40 for two  - that can be teamed up with a green lambswool V-neck jumper from M&S, also £40.

As for shooting accessories, one always needs spare ear-defenders, either because you lose them or lend them, which often amounts to the same thing. Two pairs of MPOWs live in the car throughout the season. Their great virtue is that they’re rechargeable, so no buggering about with batteries. The one pictured is an old model but the new ones are still only £32.

A knife is essential for cutting ties for bracing-up birds, hocking rabbits, opening up a slab of cartridges and breasting out your game for the table. The hand-made ones are beautiful and cherished but for just doing its job, little beats an Opinel. The locking system keeps the blade safe and the latter is made of carbon steel, which is easily sharpened. A 9cm-blade Opinel is only £16. 

As I don’t like lugging a cartridge-bag around, I keep the shells in one but decant  25 into my pocket and another 25 into a cartridge-belt. Fifty squibs is usually enough for most drives and I can load very quickly from a cartridge-belt providing it’s the right sort, ie one that allows plenty of the cartridge exposed so you can grab it easily. For this to work, the cartridges need to ’sit’ on a leather ridge so they don’t slip down. Mine was made by Albion England but others make them too. I’ve also a ‘breakaway’ cartridge belt, where the cartridges are held in clips, but don’t use it - it sheds shells too easily and the clips scratch the gunstock unless you’re very careful.

More serious damage to the gun can be caused in transport. I wince when I see a pile of expensive guns in thin canvas slips bump up and down in the back of an Argocat trundling to the grouse butts. You need a thick leather one, fleece lined and with a full-length zip, so that it can be dried out properly once home.

Such slips are pricey, circa £700 and so way beyond a normal Christmas present. A much cheaper gift, but still useful, is a phosphor-bronze head for the cleaning rods. Brisk work with that will remove the leading and crud from the barrels but they compact after a while and need replacing. The Bisley Payne Galway [sic] brush is £7.

Fishing kit

Since fishermen are infamous for the amount of tackle they accumulate, it’s almost impossible for non-fishing friends and family to buy anything their loved ones don’t already possess. However, we all lose flies and have to top up. Everyone has their favourites but if I had to use only two trout patterns on a river or lake they would be the CDC Shuttlecock and the Klinkhamer. Both imitate  - I think! - an insect in larval form struggling to push through the water film to emerge as an adult, so half the fly sticks below the surface, half above. For a trout, this represents an easy dinner and on several occasions I’ve caught more fish by twitching a Klinkhamer on a lake than those hauling lures. I tie my own but they’re seldom more than a quid each. 

I can’t make bass lures, however, which is unfortunate as I’m an absolute sucker for any new pattern that might land me a sea wolf. Picking one that will deliver on the day is hard because choice is dictated by the bass’s current prey, water visibility, wave conditions and the underwater seascape (smooth, broken, rocky, weedy). I’m also a real novice at this game, so my experience is limited. But two soft lures have brought success with some consistency - the Westin Sandy Andy imitation sandeel in pearl white, in small and medium sizes; and the Savage Gear olive sandeel. I’ve also had bass with the Savage Gear Seeker, a metal lure that can easily be cast 60-plus yards. All three are consistently recommended by experienced bass fishermen.

Other Christmastide essentials 

I have to fight hard for this, as it’s never allowed at home except at Christmas -  Mother’s Pride thin-sliced white bread. Along with Hellman’s mayonnaise, it’s essential for cold-turkey and stuffing sandwiches, easily the best meal of the festive period. With that in your hand, you only need three other ingredients for a blissful evening: a glass of Taylor’s port, Where Eagles Dare and a large door, firmly shut.

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